Allure

the fool.

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Today is slightly better.

At least Slashing has stopped.

I am greatly amused by the muttons last night.

What the funny things are they doing just over Justin jokes of the week.

Haha.

Erm...

I got a lot of counsels from friends

and 1 thing is that they tell me.

NO MORE SLASHING.

haizz

I brought harm to myself.

I feel like quitting this class.

COs I emo, They say I depression

Hey believe it or not,

IF you faced my problems,

then you will understand why.

I got warnings.

I am getting okay le. so no worries.

I am getting okay le

SO I am back to normal.

I am damn joking

and tmr got meeting

OMG.

I need help.

PROPOSAL UNDONE.

OMG.

arghh..

Haha.

Now at least I see the point of living.

I am just stress out.

Nth else.

Change blogskin bah..

Or else living in the past is bad.

I and him is about over le.

I dun wan to talk to him le.

I hate him.

I am like his toy.

When he need me then sms me

then when he ask me free then i must be free.

Never mind let the past go.

Haha,I am sorry to pour out so much things to my cg friends.

My life is just so confusing.

even i myself can see the direction.

Haizz..

Will try to come church more often.

After Saint John okay.

Dun get stressed out okay peoples.

Smile and face life.

If u need to hate people to better yourself then try it larhs

It is good larhs.

....

GOt to go le..

TO Hunny,

I am all right le. dun worry.

TO Adeline

Dun feel worn out larhs.

Dun say life sucks.

We need to pretend to make life better for us.

TO all those who encourage me,

Hey thanks and like one of you said

find rest in the lord.

thanks.and sry to be ur burden

be happy and contented with your life:)

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I was again making some damn trouble

today got 4 more lines.

6+4=10

10 bloody slashes.

Just to Rmb that I must move on with life.

No one will actually believe in my problem

as I only know how to cry

Or SLASH.

Hey ELAINE,

Dun get angry with me lol.

I am Just happening to tell you cos I feel damn sad.

SLash may relieve some of my burden.

But today i got back to counselling and it just happens that I am

given such comment like you are totally suffering from depression

FOr goodness,

IF you guys think I am crazy,

and you are suitable to badmouth me

I am telling u.

IT IS A N-O

NO!!!!

I am really fed-up with the class,

Sjab, and my family

Firstly

I almost cried in class

for no good reason

and next I kenna counselling.

Then ALL MY CLASSMATES look at me as if I CAME FROM MARS.

...

I am really freak and ticked off.

I dun seem to be a normal person.

and i dun see the rights of living.

that how negative my mind is now.

and thanks to some of you

you guys make me feel like crying and going to die

I am trying to escape from things

and my situation is quite sticky

I dun wish to speak to anyone.

Sorry if I reject your calls people

and I am feeling that by this month or so

I will seldom come to church.

SOrry ppl.

I am breaking up with him soon.

SO dont tell him bah.

I am meeting him up after his exams.

I am having a great headache and fever.

Ya currently.

I am about to tell some of the cg members abt my problems.

Ya I slashed my hands

and I cry in the night

and feeling that I have suffered so much.

I cant bear to be his so called toy

He need me then come.

I dun need this kind of love.

This is simply show off.

I can at least return to my carefree life.

Continue to see my kor being happy.

without me u wouldnt die.

but u will move on

I believe.

I had enough.

I am crying for stupid reason.

I am tired.

Someone pull off my heart

and i will not cry

and I feel the neglection.

He hurt me emotionally and physically

...

I hate him

I am pronounce dead

and new life is make through me

.....

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Today dont feel like going sch.

Dun feel like sms him.

He seems to fade and change too much.

I am unable to face the reality.

That's right.

I am too much of a feeling person.

And too sensitive.

Today still have joke abt me.

But I am trying my best to face it.

I am super tired almost everyday sleep late.

In the morning must have the hyper fake smile to face my friends.

I dont noe how to act well.

So almost everyday I at least do some self reflecting.

QT maybe tommorow bah.

I missed all my CG friends.

and him.

But there is going to be sad ending again.

I am super tired he told me lies and lies.

Did I tell him any?

If I nvr appear at church,

Dun say I dun go cos of him

although it is partially cos of him.

I feel so separated and cheated by him.

Should I move him with life?

Or continue to get emo cos of him?

I am like kind of slashing my wrist.

But not so obvious or else must go counselling.

Haiz. Elaine ,don get emo bah.

your mar mie will get the emo feeling too.

But you noe sth, we must learn to hide it like a deep dark secret.

okay.

I found some interesting quotes.

'Laughing isn't always mean happiness.

Sometimes it is a mask to cover the pain

and to hide that you are broken inside

and you want to bleed it out '

'There once was a time when silence meant nothing to me'

'Nobody can hear me screaming in the dark night

It was too good to be true

I knew I must be dreaming'

' I'm alright it only hurts when I breathe'

'It's hard to tell my mind to stop loving someone when my heart still does'

The most favourite of mine today is 'Hate can be a positive emotion.When it forces you to better yourself.'

This quote totally rocks.

haha I think I am mad.

The hot topic in class currently is the recent rumors that tsunami is coming to singapore during july.

And apparently peoples were like OMG I AM TOO YOUNG TO DIE.

I told myself

If this is what GOd plans

why be afraid?

We are created by god.

and the day of judgement may come anytime any where.

SO why be scared and worried?

...

haizz..

TOday was pretty bad.

I got 4 lines of obvious slashing.

and I was pretty angry at myself

cos i dun even noe what the hell am i doing

I am like hating myself at the same point of time causing some ppls suffer bah.

and ppl bully and insult.

I should get back a clean life soon.

although i dun wan to break up,

but if he being with me

and he sins.

what for he be together with me?

What for i be with him when he lies?

say he together with his brother?

omg.

one quote to praise u

Thanks for lying to me so many times and stop your excuses.

I have been slashed in my heart.

Shouldnt have put my trust to you.

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I am living in a pathetic world.

Really I am so tired of my freaking world.

I just feel like dying.

I slash my wrist again duh.

(Sorries Kor)

I am too disappointed with my life.

What makes them think i am having depression?

I may want to lock myself in my room

Unwanting to go anywhere.

not even my sjab meeting

but i cant.

Too bad, I dun belong to anywhere.

I am damn sick of crying everyday

I am too emo and sensitive to negative comments

I am trying to build up myself

but I think I am too stupid to believe in gothic stuff

But I guess i am the one who belongs to goth emo category

I hate my life turning upside down

Why am I slashing myself?

I cried and feel nobody really wants to bother me

I got a feeling he is about to break up with me

I am so upset.

Hey, CG friends just dun mind abt me.

PPL doesnt think i am important in their life.

I dun think i wan to attend sch bah.

Must get myself sick.

I want to escape from reality.

Dun try to make a damn.

I just feel like I am dead.

NO ONE WOULD EVEN WANT TO CARE FOR MY PRESENCE

ESP IN SJAB AND SCH

what for am i in this FUCKING HELL?

I am damn angry at myself

and sorry for my mother and dad for bringing me a useless child

MUM u are absoutely right,

u did a mistake for having a useless child and kind of foolish

At least slashing make me feel more relax

not so pain in my heart.

Can someone tell me am I dead?

X_X No love. No true friends in sch.Make so many cg friends sad cos of me.

I am nobody,

Stop me from dying?

But am I dead?

Someone please tell me that am I dead?

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OMG...

ARGH.

MY HUNNY PIE IS SICK...

MYDEAR NVR RPLY MY MSG

Wonder what happens to them le?

I make them stress?

>_<...

I feel so stress. SO many PROPOSAL TO DO.

NO WONDER NO TIME TO RELAX

ONLY GOT some time TO breathe.

CG is getting lesser ppl coming le.

And nxt is yours sincerly not coming to church.

Hey PPL in CG,

I am totally sorry.

I cant go church cos of some SJAB STUFF

and CAMP.

CAnt help SCREAMING

I think by the time i come back will be ill

Why?

cos I think I WILL SHOUT TILL MY STRESS IS GONE

CRY IN THE NIGHT FOR CHRIST.

GOODNESS...

I NEED HELP.

SOS...

HAIZZ.

Where do I LIES in this world?

I am getting bad le.

I KEPT FEELING TO SCOLD THOSE PPL VULGAR WORDS.

What the hell am i thinking?

Maybe this coming stress is going let me get more crazy.

Erm..

I AM GOING TO SUFFER FROM INSOMIA

I am going to pray for the following

MY whole School,

CSI,

Goldy,

MY KOR

MY JIE

and lastly SJ PPL

'Dear lord,

Bless those who need help in their exams,

their painful souls let them heal and have been sick or hurt

let ur almighty spirit bless them.

No matter they arent christian lord

let them feel you and give us ur children wisdom for the test

In all this I pray,

Amen'

Erm.. I need help

Something must be stop .

haha.

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I am trying my best to cheer up

but my challenges and difficulty is getting higher

I make my life miserable

I finally understand

I am angry at my life.

I feel unworthy in my life

I have let down billons of people

Make so many people hate me

I am temporary not replying any sms

So dont ask me why.

And if anyone really hate me,

Then ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE

SUCKER GET OFF MY LIFE!!!

I am unchangeable.

I only know how to keep emo and quiet

What else have i done which can be good?

Mum kept her nagging.

I am super tired

Brother stress and crying

Dad went to M'sia

I am the only strength in there

but i dunnoe what to do

When i go to mum and comfort her

She always shoo me away

what for?

AM I even PART of the Family?

......

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Title : SOrry CSI and Goldy

no use of cheer up

when i dun noe how to.

Sry my cg and goldy

I have let u guys down le

I am too emolish to answer anything.

I am not a normal being le....

I need time to calm,

and pls msn me at maybe nxt time.

not tmr. neither the day after. but the main reason is that I feel so weird.

I got too emolish in sch le

and stress.

SORRIES . call me if u want

dun sms till i am back to my calm self

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Super Tired.

Lacking of enough sleep.

What for must I be so stressed and freak out?

Then what on earth did that particular person turn up yesterday?

I have already mended it

but once i see him

I feel like so complicated.

Somemore I saw others who are staring or rather glaring at me

I feel like screaming all my voice

throwing all those pain memories

Days seem to pass so fast at certain time

then things change a lot for that particular guy.

what for?

Hello Emolish, Wake Up.

U are totally bother by the Current stress

not anything

not anymore

I am just searching for perfection

Why dun I agree with inperfection?

I am hating myself for things that i wish that will be perfect

Thanks to those who encourage me in one way or another.

I am just the normal girl freaking out.

when things arent perfect

I miss my dear

Tommorow he got appointment....

Erm...

PPL pls do not call me

cos i will be definetely not going to answer any call

I need to chill.

I finally understand why kor like that le

you find the sch damn freaking out

like what mine is

gangs,smokes,show off, I had enough

Sjab also want to give me attitude.

Cg wants me to come back

But I got things happening too fast

I am damn sorry to give temper to Shirley

I am damn tired to talk of the Sjab stuff

I mean Sjab is cool

but the ppl in there really wan me to struggle

Here am I trying to be caring and strict

yet they say u damn gek poh

Really if this is it.

I WILL QUIT.

what for i skip cg for u guys?

What for I stay in sjab even When i felt I was dying?

PLS do understand I also have my own life.

My life totally is in a mess

Mum screaming at brother everyday

brother crying

father ignore me

Ppl dun want to talk to me

Gossipers all around

My dear struggling

SO many projects

so many hmk

SO many exams

so many tests

So many scolding

Stop it .

I had enough

if that what ppl want me to do

I quit just for the sake of u guys okay

really I am finding myself crying once I lock myself in my room

DO u guys even noe how it feels when u feel hurt and down ?

and left out?

For goodness I am a Human

not any non living stuff

I slash my hands

for what

I am definetely stress

and crazing over stuff

Help/////

Get me a dagger and maybe end my old pain life?

should I?

Arghh.......

FReak out.

I am feeling that I am dead

NO one can Hurt a dead person

//I am a Gothic emo girl

SLashing, death and stupid thoughts fall upon me

Thanks to Sj ppl you guys cause me to suffer so much

Great. I will nvr sleep but cry and scream in the night

HOw am this thing going to change?

no way.

Dun worry abt me,my cg,my hunny,my sweetheart, goldy,plus my dear

although I have a long way

I am not going to be like that in church

okay.

but dun contact me except for cca and cg stuff

Dun ask me my freaking life

//R.I.P there lies ler tong.x_x//

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'SMILE.'

Cg came by my hse.

Then we talk and talk.

But the problem is that i dun feel the feeling of talking

Cos I think I concentrate too much on Sjab

And of cos' they may feel that i am changing

I am damn tired

and worn out by this kind of nonsence.

I feel very ridiculous about the past.

If only I can pretend

that this is the end.

That will be great.

Sjab rocks my life

that it result me to wake up so early

and thought that today got sjab

but it was sad

Why am i so different?

God makes me reflect much on today happening

When Shun BIn shared the bible study

it really set me thinking on my life with god

and why sjab make me sacrifice so much?

and why there is unfairness in the world?

and of course the spongebob squarepants diao

of course I feel the neglection

of him

haizz

Must go running le

and must train myself to get more stricter with the sec twos and ones

cos they are our only hope.

Haizz

I am thinking that time pass so soon

and slowly i am changing

so somebody /HELP ME/

I feel so neglection

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He told me ILY.

LOL.

I am scared if he dun want me

I today got meeting at Hillgrove.

I love it.

Totally funny.

On the way when we go to hillgrove.

Kean Chang and Hong qiang kept make fun of me and wen xin

What the hell.

Then We go take the bus and HAHA all the way to hillgrove.

Then they all go take a drink at hillgrove

Haha.

Then we fallin and go to a room in hillgrove to start a meeting

I am in messing

which means food

I am with Dina and Atiqah..

and two more swiss cottage.

haizz

I start to reflect

Kean chang and hong qiang say i am damn quiet in class.

And I scream like hell in st john and hyper,

I am really thinking that I am trying my best to talk in class

but so many conflicts and fights.

and hurray

i sign a swear that our teacher,Mr lim ,printed

I will nvr smoke.

no matter peers influence

or stupid stuff

erm...

TOday is the damn sweetest.

OMG

haha

erm..

Tmr My CG CSI coming to my hse.

Plus hunny pie and sweet heart

and shun bin

and maybe wenxin?

I dunnoe larhs

I got fear for my dear

He must be safe or else I sad.

He fractured his leg.but i suppose it is quite serious

that make him on mc for 1 week.

Supposingly

I should be the one to let him sms me

but in the other way.

i go sms first.

Duh...

I very scared for camp

cos I cant contact him for three days

plus anco camp

is three days also

then one last camp is the leisure camp

And last reminders...

SEC THREES DUn STRESS TILL U CRY

WILL START MUGGING DAMN SOON.

But dear Thnks

for saying IMY and ILY.

IT is the SwEEtESt day of my whole life.

'Hate is a strong word and it may hate ppl who are no in our life'

'but be sure to forgive and heals and forget.'

KOR . and JIE.Jiayous in mugging.

Everyone will be in my prayer.

haha

bye.

MY Dear ILY.

LerTong

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EMOLICAL.

I am feeling that the sense of my heart pain is slightly fading

But i am too craze over my life.

I think I am searching for perfection

I hope that my perception will change

Cause' there aren't any PERFECTION

My Thinking Are TOo NAive.

What if I am dropped by you.

Will I be hurt?

MAybe.

My heaRt is way TOO FrAGile.

erm.

I am way too sick to talk.

I feel like sleeping

But no matter what i do

I just cant sleep (execpt for maths lesson)

Duh...

I must try to keep the track on.

God bless those who are suffering emotionally or physically

bless those who are trying to struggle with their life.

Bless those who do not yet to know God.

At least make them feel more togetherness with you

and pass their difficult route more smoothly

As for those who are bullied

just let those hurtful words and memories be erase and forgive the sins.

God use me to heal.

and he heal me with others.

In my father's holy name

Amen.

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Erm...
Today is so terrible.
SO gonna to buck up in my journey.
Haizz
MY goodness mathematic sucks.
Need tutor..
Erm...
..........
I am feeling damn emolicAL
just because he nvr rply me
after today total havoc.
Now Rest.erm....
My days make up of lots of troubles
I am very scared to face each day
bb

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Last thoughts

Kor Must think of us okay

Dun sad and say no friends.

haha.I am simply too evil.

x_x.

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Saint john We Rocks.... WE are a Big family and our life are dedicated to it forever....No one can separate us again.

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Where are you?

I am so lost in the darkness

Praying for the 36 days that all will be healed in my CSI and Gold Fm

yup...

Erm..

I am quite emo after what i saw abt Kor

how can such a guy turn so much?

Haizz

The past affects me a lot

Damn lot larhs

erm...what the hell.

Serene thank you for the blessing

but haizz...

Thank you any way.

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My name is Ahh-T0ng. World-hater. Hate me.I don't fcuk care, A twist in my story, when he shoot me three times in my heart.

wishlist

- Breathe.
- Live as independent lady.
- Mature more.
- Love? Exclude me.
- Be a hate about love.

plurk.

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