Allure

the fool.

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A lot of people saw me cried.

I think I am really angry.

I am angry with the unfair treatment

I dun think things arent right for me.

But shall not say anymore.

Promise myself a stupid thing

Which make me think that i am too like a fool

Even i think talking to such a person like you.

Why should afford to spend time crushing on someone

Who kind of hate you.

Right?

I guess I have to say this big and bold.

I forgive you but

I WONT SPEAK TO YOU!!!

Why?

Simple.

I am tired of being wounded.

Everyone around is tired

I am very tired.

But nevertheless if I give up,

I will get my life right.

The promise is simple

Staying single forever

until God really thinks that I should not be single.

Meanwhile can go for missionaries at east timor,

I think that being there will let me be more awake

I will get heal better.

Never will I fall in this dumb trick

Focus on God and studies more.

SO that I will get to love god more and more.

more than him!

but I must try to stay cheerful.

Even Ms goh also notice I emo....

Duh.

Emo isnt good.

But I think I have to wake up.

If i dun,

I will continue to get negative

Btw Sorry to the class .

I am really thinking that I am an extra till now

Will be MIA cos of you guys!!

Stupid.

Really damnit.

Dunnoe I can start anew.

Maybe GOd will let me understand more.

Maybe..

I think so during the camp.

Dont need to sleep le.

I think we sleeping 12 plus for the sec 3s

then the sec 1s have to sleep early.

While we do sentry duty.

Haizz.

TO my CG,

I will be back like next week.

Please pray for me.

cos I am kind of getting the mentality.

TO GET punishments

Duh.

SO I will send you guys sms at 12 plus

then pray for me.

Please pray for me.

haha.

I am kind of scared that things will turn out wrong

Just say a little prayer.

I am still not over with the emo

but will get through.

I will never talk to you!!

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Haizz...

I am going camp soon.

Today I quarrel with KC and HQ

Duh.. Things arent right for me.

That why I shouted in the sch.

Terrible..

Today the maths teacher talk about CANING!

Duh...

Kenna like studying the cause and effect

I am already sian.

I am totally dunnoe what to do.

Half of me wanted to scream at him.

Half of me start force myself to forget him.

Today morning

GOD told me sth

If I dont wake up,

Peoples who is with me,

Will suffer more.

That why.

I would rather to be alone then to see people suffer

WX, thanks larhs.

I noe you want me to smile more.

Tell me to find other better guys.

But I have given up hope le.

No matter what it happens.

I will be what YC did.

Concentrate on studies.

And I think relationship will come in the later part.

and focus more on GOD and Friends

Family. maybe.

I actually wanted to be alone today,

But it really hurts to be alone..

SO just act a smile.

Why should I spoil the mood?

Anyway at least we did pranks to the two guys who came late.

Felt very funny and wanted to cry.

But I just laugh.

COs' he did sth that reminded me abt SomeBody.

Haizz..

Must forget.

Delete memory.

Also must try to get more remedials in sch.

I suck in a lot of subjects

But i am consider quite lucky to get a lot of friends to teach me

I guess things will change soon.

Yup This lady is going MIA soon.

She is not going MIA cos of Camp

But HIM!!

She need to clear out the memories

I am falling behind.

but I am going to write a swear tmr.

About being out of any relationships

I will forget him

I must!

And I belive i can

Cos' i am not really into anyone yet.

But god lays my future.

But I hope god will not let me get hurt.

SO furthering my distance with that person

I am thinking that i should not be emo over these things

I will never get things in my way.

I am just thinking of the funny things that happens

Hey actually KC is quite trusty loh

I told him to help me keep the pole

then he really help me

haha.

Erm.. at least it is funny

then we go slack at cabin club

then they play poker,

I dunno how to play then stay out and just emo.

Then They kept playing with the pole

diao.

Haha.

locking them outside was funny.

I really lock two times

then kc andHQ kept pester me to open.

cos their bag in there.

haha.

then the shoe thingy.

Just funny

damn funny.

okay...

I think things arent going so bad

at least challenges are quite okay ...

to the girl who bully le and pone sch

Really please wake up lorhs

You like that make a lot of people learn sia,

YOu arent a good example,

YOu are really an insulter!

FOrgiving you will never be easy.

Revenge wouldnt be there

but hate will exist in my world

TO the Guy

1 sentence

I HATE YOU!

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Thanks TO

This few peoples who let me strive very hard.

ALL are My BFFs.

:ShiRley Hunny:),AdeLine SweetHEArt:)

:Ann Sweetie:) and Joann Sweetie:)

:MY GIRL:).

GOing Camp so soon,

Will miss you guys.

Try to meet up okay.

I still hate Him and the Bully(S)!

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Haizz...

Today damn sad

Cos' Sth unexpected happen.

I totally feel so separated in SJ.

Yup. If you guys say I am not important.

What for I am in Sjab as a transparency?

Really regret coming to this cca.

Meeting this kind of unkind soul

I really fed up

I really give up

Somemore the new maths teacher scold us

I feel totally upset

I am not really happy for today

After the Songs and cheers

I started emo-ing.

For a good reason.

I wasnt getting things to be in my friends way

I am always not good at footdrill

so what?

You kept criticize me till I have totally lose faith in SJ

SO what if your BF is the officer

You think like that you can always glare at me

Totally cannot understand what the hell you giving

The part of me. was gone when you guys dont want me in FAC

Really give up.

Really.

I meant real.

Things wasnt as easy as you guys think

Managing nonsence in the class

In church

In SJAB!

In my family.

Really feel suckish.

I really dun feel the importance of life.

After screaming for one hour for the songs and cheers

then i suddenly felt like emo.

I dunno what happens larhs.

I guess I am fading from god a lot.

That why

Maybe...

Haiz.. I also noe too much problems.

My brain is not a computer.

SO cant store so many problems

that why Only way is to emo.

at least no more hurting acts.

Hunny,

Although your hunny pie has no time for you.

Please do not worry to spill things out for me.

although I am not so mature like you,

But your scolding and advice is good.

Really...Two more days before the camp

I am so heart broken when i see the sec one so sick

One fainted,

sec threes guys

Hanjie and Hong qiang also sick,

Duh...

aLVIN PONE cca

Arhhh

Tmr still stay back for SJAB

Duh..

Your insults make me give up in SJ

Too bad.

No wonder half of the population want to quit SJ

That why

You are the cause

Dunnoe what happen to us

Then still scold us

What for.

We really innocent then kenna scold by you

Then. I havent settle score with the bully.

The girl that i hate now.

I am not hating her so much

After all she is still a god child who dun want god.

I really feel terrible of people that i trust gossip me in class

I dun think things is going to be fine

KYPL, You better stop insult

and bully. this is totally enough

I hate to be in this stupid donuts class

My days are getting more complicated.

Got to forget everything before I go back to church.

Complication arent easy to solve

Esp when your best friends are in trouble!!

Ben,Shir, Hunny, Atikah,Wei Lin, Wenxin.

This are the people i need to sms to encourage them

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I must forget you!

I must not cry for such a person like you!

YOU dun even cared abt me!

I must forget you.

I must hate you.

I must forget everything.

even those happy memories.

Not going to speak to You.

If you going to Church,

YOu wont see me there.

!!!

I will promise to forget you.

Dont ever talk to me.

Although you cared ,

But I must hate you!

Even though I am doing this for the sake for the peoples in church.

I am trying to forget you completely.

I will forget you.

I am thinking that things are turning this way

COs' GOd dun want us to meet.

So if I can hate you for life.

Please dun blame me.

I am too sad to said anything.

You make me so emo.

You make me slash!

YOu make me feel so emo.

you make my whole life upside down.

YOu are the main cause when i wan to cry in the middle of the night.

I scream when you always make me think of you,

If only i never meet you,

This wouldnt be happening

I wont even know how to slash.

I wont even want to commit suicide.

I wont even want to cry for you,

I shouldnt appear in church

I should have not even step into this church,

I wont be in any pain now!!!!

YOu make me smile last time.

But the smile faded.

I dun smile anymore.

I dun cheer up anymore.

I dun think positively

I dun even feel happy.

YOu are my sunshine..

but i think i am not going to fall into those tricks.

So NOt talking to you nor the others maybe...

I am quite mad.

At YOU!!!!!

I HATE MYSELF FOR BRING THE PAIN!

SHOULD HAVE NOT GO CHURCH!!!

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This few things troubled me for the whole of the entire day

:Him.!!!!

:My kor!!!

:Hunny!!!!

:My Girl!!!

:SJAB!!

:GOD!!!

:ARGH.. ENDLESS PROPOSALS for SEC 1 TRAINING CAMP!

:ENDLESS CAMP FOR SJAB!

Haizz..

Life is getting too complicated

But you know what?

Yesterday was my first time alone kneeling to GOD.

Tears started falling.

I have been too injured.

I am too sick to talk to him.

Too tired to talk to him.

Too pain to talk to him

Haizz.

Why cant things turn out sweeter?

Why must I forget you?

Haizz..

I felt like furthering from ppl in church.

Esp him.

I am far apart from him.

He will find a better person than I am.

Cos' Nth will change unless God really fate us together.

I cant be so greedy.

I am too sick.

Sore throat.

A little flu.

Tmr got pre-camp.

gOt to Shout and Scream.

Duh...

Benedick KOR.

No matter what larhs.

We will be here to support you.

We can be your listening ear.

So please dont pone school larhs.

My head also damn pain to solve your problems.

Please larhs. Stop your lying.

I dont even understand why you have change so much.

Like What we can do is not to see you fall.

But We are here to help larhs.

So continue to stay with God.

I know you thought Going to Service is sian.

Me too honestly.

I go church not to see God.

That why I need help in this.

But please understanding your friends backstab you is hard.

It is pain. But This is reality.

My girl,

Please think through things.

Dun need to use violence on that guy.

He is just a nobody seeking for attention

That why he say you mah

He jealous mah

The only thing that you have to be concern is abt your him.

Okay...

Jiayous and let the past be the past.

okay?

Erm..

Hunny...

You sick again.

I sad.

Duh..

Continue to take care and will keep you in my daily prayer.

You understand how things are complicated.

And that why we are in this together.

You sick, I also sick.

But really the weather is crazy larhs...

Haizz I am still confused abt things happening so suddenly.

I always got tears when I started to step into SJ.

And my class really sucks.

Esp the Action one.

Haizz.

She is totally a backslider who sins so much to smoke.

and she completely forgettens about those who are true friends.

Gossip peoples duh.

Almost make someone commits suicide.

You are too evil.

I think you should wake up larhs.

Appreciate those who are important to you.

I am so tired.

I am thinking that things are turning out this way.

God wants me to have a life which is different.

That why.

I am thinking how to forget him.

Please do not mention his name le.

NO more of his things.

I must try to make him hate me.

Hating you is tough.

Please. Let My Heart Go Off Now.

I Am Tired.

This is reality not a dream.

NOt a nightmare...

YOu are the reason I am screaming in the middle of the night.

How many times must i nvr sleep cos' of you.

Since last year.

It wasnt so pain last time.

This time round it got to wounded that I am so scared to face you.

Forgetting you is the most difficult task in my whole entire life.

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how sweet is this complication?

How many days I have cried for you?

I am meeting difficulties.

Without him.

Without his encouragement.

Haizz.

Last time the mention of his name will make me smile..

But now without him my world is getting too dark.

I often got lost.

I felt like crying today.

But totally cannot cry....

Cos' I promise ppls that I will not cry...

But I find myself waiting for his sms

Then I wait like late night,

No Sms...

Mum force me to forget you.

You know what ?

I am going camp so soon that he dun even know.

I guess hopeless le larhs..

Even I come back to church.

I may not be talking to him le.

I must be cold.

I must be pretending that he hate me.

Really tough to suffer this pain.

even if things turn out his way, it is my fault.

I am really afraid to be talking to anyone of them.

I meant really larhs.

I am even quite scared to sharemy problems with them le.

I am quite sad. cos' it brought them a lot of pain.

and headache.

I mean that if i never step into this church

this problems wouldnt be here.

Esp for 2nd kor,

Sry...

Really sry ppl.

I am going off this week for camp.

May get hurt .

May get angry.

May get sad.

I dun wish to mention anything more

If i never answer any phone calls or sms sry.

cos i may be MiA cos

I need some time to think through things

I cant bear to leave church.

But If i dont they will have more problems.

if i dont leave.

Things will get more complicated.

Mdm Esther is right.

I am very immature. I am lost easily

I am weak

I am very senstitive by ppl opinions of me.

SO I got to stay alone.

I got to cry to release the pain.

Really tough to survive this kind of game.

Getting too lovesick.

Is there any cure to lovesick?

Or forgetting someone that I love too deep.

thinking that this wouldnt change till i am dead.

I am trying to sign up for missions.

to go on missions and to forget everything and treasure things around me.

I think I will go soon after the october things

andd leisure camp for Sj.

I will go to help ppls.

I got to escape from everything.

I need a cure.

this pain isn't like what you think.

I am torn apart.

I am not going to sms him nor talk to him.

that way it is good for both of us.

I will forget you.

but my scars will not disappear.

Never will it disappear.

Rest in Peace my uncle.

Yesterday was your death anniversary.

Sorry to not go and burn those incense paper for you.

Sorry uncle to die for me.

Just cos of me.

I am the blame.

I am the fault of every problems

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I totally don't want to know what happen to me

Yesterday was havoc.

Since she kept lying to dad.

Then never even want to listen to what I want to say!

I felt that She KEPT threatening me with Church!

What for larhs?

I am not going to talk to you anymore.

Never even listen to what I say

So what if I am crushing into pieces.

You wont even save me,

You told me you will continue to hate me

then so be it.

I always have insomnia

cos' of the person.

But NO ONE will know.

I try to slash.

I try to take pills.

I try to scold myself.

I try to pretend that he hate me.

But NO MATTER what I still cant seems to forget him

I dun wish to carry on this life.

I hate myself.

I think. Things are getting worse

With me around there.

Death will settle all the unhappiness.

I am counted hopeless.

I am not a good student.

Nor a good leader.

Nor a good daughter.

Nor AM I a good friend.

I am discouraged by.. me and me alone.

I am quite a useless person.

Even my parents don't treat me as their child.

I am so neglected.

I am so disappointed.

What I need here is to find rest in my god.

And stop forcing me to believe in idols.

I am telling her the last time.

NO MATTER what I WILL be A CHRISTIAN!!!

I am not going to be so like you.

You believe in your own beliefs.

I am not going to believe in those.

You just make me a terrible person

Let me cry,

LEt me slash.

Let me fall......

/like Alice in the wonderland.

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I hate myself...

I dun even have the courage to face my mum

She dun trust me.

I dun feel i am human...

I am so emo that I felt like collasping on the floor.

The first thing I woke up

is to ask god.

Am i a human?

Am I a normal soul?

Am I going to get a change in my life?

No one will want to taste my pain.

I am having a family who ignore my presence

and twist my words.

I am not a good girl that you guys think...

I am a girl who scold ppl vulgarites.

I really hate myself for hurting ppls

I am trying to stay strong cos a lot of ppls need me.

but after i am used by them....

I will be used as recycle materials to let them climb back.

Honestly.

I cried 5 times today.

What if life isnt important?

I am going to die soon.

Why?????

I hate the guy who hurt me so deep and cut so deep.

I am not important.

I hate myself most important!

My mum want to see me on the ground die!!!

haha.

What a mum that I have that cared for me.

SO MUCH.

I am too lucky...

I am not smart, hardworking.

I am stupid, useless like what you said.

Tell me go die everyday.

I got so many problems

SJAB!!!!

CHURCH!!!

FRIENDS!!!!

SCHOOL!!!

FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am starting to change already.

I am thinking to stay out of home.

Cos' no matter where I am .

I am still not important.

To the guy,

I am sorry.

I really cant draw myself to you le.

I know you wont like me so that why

I decide to take my mum's insult to forget you.

Although it is pain.

Although I am facing too much nonsence.

I hate life.

I hate myself

I like others more than myself.

Just because my mum scolded me hurtful words

that she meant real.

Real.

I think this is reality.

I am not going to cry.

Or maybe later at night.

Scream....

Tmr for ANCO briefing!!!

Today I spend too much time on SJAB!!!

I begin to hate myself

KC,I really appreciate for making me laugh and angry at you

But please stop it!

I really fed-up with my problems

and here you are making my pain increase!

Haizzz...

I wish the freaking problems will stop for at least one day.

or half a day.

I am so stressed.

I am feeling my head is giddy.

I almost fainted just because I kept pushing myself too much!!

I hate Sjab.

I dunnoe why?

I am complicated

PPLS said i am not important.

I am dumb

I am useless

What for help you guys say so much for the FAC?

Why must i sacrifice so much

You guys got third just because we did it together.

And I spoke so much.

STupiD Me.

I am not important to you guys anymore.

I am a piece of shit!

I am A BASTARD!

I AM NOBODY

I AM EXCEPTION!

I AM TROUBLE

I AM NO ONE

I AM hated....

deeply.

I am HATING MYSeLF

BLAMING MYSELF!!!!!

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Everyday is terrible for me.

I BEGGED YOU GUYS

FOR GOODNESS SAKE....

I AM A NORMAL HUMAN.

I KNOW I AM AN EXTRA TO YOU GUYS LARHS.

THEN GIVE ME LOADS OF EXCUSES.

USE ME AS A FOOL.

I DONT SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTINUING...

YOU SEE ME AS A PERSON WHO IS A TROUBLEMAKER...

HOPELESS. FREAK.

THEN WHAT FOR?

YOU ALL JUST WANT ME TO BE ON MY DEATH BED.

PREPARED TO DIE.

Hey don't appreciate things around you!

Teach you how to wake up...

When I am dead,

Then you will wake up

Your FOOLISH ACTION

That can cause me death

And nothing else,

I haTE YOU .

So what if you are the superior ?

SO what if you got stead?

SO what DO you think I apologize to you sincerely.

DO you think SJAB is worth my whole life.

N-O!!!!!

YOu are the bully that cause me wanting to die...

YOu just make my life terrible meiserable.

telling lies to officers.

Getting me sabotage.

I am only worth to be sabotage.

but nothing else right!!!!!

I am nobody right?

You are only making my life so terrible that i could die!!!

ASKING YOU GUYS WAS A DIFFICULT TASK.

STILL NEED TO BEG?

WHAT TYPE OF GOOD LIFESAVER ARE YOU GUYS?

hUh?

I AM THE BLAME OF EVERYTHING.

I am always the person to blame.

I am nobody.

Terrible...

So many problems cramp in my heart.

Where were my soul lying last few years.

Damnit.

I really hate myself.

Even things turn out so bad.

I still blame myself.

I am suppose to be a person to be cheerful de.

Where did the past me went?

i am still confused by the stupid words that pierce my heart.

My heart is too pain to speak.

I am too emo to talk

I wish I can die...

Too pain!!!!!!

FCuk the person who make me feel so lost in my direction

Thanks for letting me lose trust and friendship with all of them...

I am not going to hate you.

Since wad you wanted for me is simple

DEATH!

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My name is Ahh-T0ng. World-hater. Hate me.I don't fcuk care, A twist in my story, when he shoot me three times in my heart.

wishlist

- Breathe.
- Live as independent lady.
- Mature more.
- Love? Exclude me.
- Be a hate about love.

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