Allure

the fool.

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Title :

Tired from the trip I went to M'sia.

Damn tired.

Woke up at 5!

Somemore last night slept late.

Like 12 plus then sleep.

Haizz.

At least last night got reply.

From him lorhs.

Haha.

I am still scared by the nightmare last night.

Dun wish anything happen to that person.

Really larhs.

Just now was a terrible time.

Dun want to travel overseas anymore,

Have a phobia for it.

Some more disputes are all over the places.

Duh...

Dun want go M'sia le.

haha.

Scared le.

I really hope can drag kor back to church.

haha.

Erm.. Should I go to church???

This week????

Still quite confused.

GTG:)

Date :
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Title :

ARgh..

Sudden plan.

Going to M'sia!

OMG

Luckily not staying there haha.

I will miss him and my friends a lot if I go there.

Really.

But maybe buying or shopping for a while.

Before coming back to S'pore.

Haizz. What happen to him?

Never reply my msg.

Haha.

I am angry:)

No larhs.

Must be tired or dun understand my msg

Or dun want to rply my msg

I dunnoe.

I dun want to assume anything.

Cos' I dun want to jump to the conclusion.

But still miss him.

Date :
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Title :

Reflecting the days that have passed.

The days where a lot of things happened.

A lot of the time I really wished to fade away from everything.

But am I letting myself down?

Am I putting god's faith down?

I knew a lot of nonsence had happened to me.

Like today.

I am supposed to go for a outing.

For SJ.

But I chose to stay at home.

Cos' I dun really think that I am a group with them.

That's why I escape from a lot of things.

Even if I go.

Even if God tell me I am doing the wrong thing.

I will still not choose to go there.

Cos' once I go,

I will only be alone.

I am really dissapointed.

With myself.

For giving up so early.

SO fast.

And so rashly.

I really dunnoe what happens.

I start to wait again.

Last night send one sms.

Got no reply.

Duh.

Waited till 2 plus.

Still no rply.

I really missed you.

But he dunnoe.

I onli can pray that God will let me have a wise decison about

This new chance of liking him is kind of crazy.

I dunnoe why.

I juz feel that he is quite different than last time.

Big Differences.

But one of them consists of.

Not replying my sms.

haha.

Really....

But I guess staying up for him is pointless.

But just try to make a possibility of not giving up.

And I always need some time alone.

But it didnt meant that I am always emo.

Cos' I got some problems with peoples.

That's why.

A fake smile is needed at times when you don't really feel like smiling.

But the words that you tell me.

Is always going through my mind.

like a recorder.

I understand there are minimal posibility

for me and him.

Although I still have feelings for him.

But I know that sometimes I must not focus on him too much.

Yeah,,'

I really feel like smiling

but today isnt the day,

Haizz.

Waited for his sms for like 24 hours

Still no rply.

But have two friends with me

and supporting me.

But I have a lot of quotes for them.

Friends help you mature emotionally and spiritually.

Friends teach you about forgiveness.

Friends love you no matter what.

They are true friends that really helped me alot.

In terms of my spiritual ways with god.

Although I sinned to god,

by slashing and hurting his creation.

I am really trying my very best to heal this patch of wounds.

Simple word to him.

I will wait for you till you come and talk to me.

Cos' no one can replace this place execpt you.

Date :
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I need sometime to make my heart heal.

I am too complicated.

I am quite missing him.

I can't say goodbye to you.

I am really enjoying talking to him.

But I know he likes someone else.

I , on the other hand, will not go too in love with him.

I am really happy cos'

Maybe this week meeting to go to CHC.

But duh...

I dunnoe.

Later if my heart really trembles too much.

Then how?

I only can tell him.

I am fine.

But inside me I slash my wrists

Cos' I really like you.

But I guess I am too confused.

I am too confused whether you really like me.

Then although he was a gangster.

He got piercing before.

But he has changed a lot.

...

No matter what ILY.

May god bless everyone to have everlasting friendship and love.

Bless you.

Date :
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Title :

IF you really think that I am an extra in your life.

I am totally fine to get out of it.

I always thought you are the strength that I find.

But in your changes.

I started to feel that our friendship is fading.

Quitting Church will do.

If you really feel that.

I am really not in a mood to talk.

Sorry for giving you the black face.

Sorry for giving you the attitude.

And really sorry to give you so many troubles.

I am outta of your life.

And you may consider to cancel me from your friends' list.

I really dont understand.

I am just close to your friend.

And now you make me feel like I shouldnt talk to anyone.

Really.

I am damn dissapointed in my decision of choice.

But if you will to understand what happen to me.

You will totally feel like going to hell.

I am really upset

Cause' I never thought you will feel jealous about friendship.

Since you think that she belong to you.

And I should be friends with her.

So be it.

I am really giving up hope on everything,

Even you.

I am really hating this life.

Which is going to turn more and more upside down,

I dun blame anyone for that.

But the most important person I blame is myself.

I dun want to make that guy noe that I go slashing again.

I dont want to let things turn this way.

But if really you dun want me to get involved in any of your stuff.

Then well.

I am leaving.

CoS' you are a friend who really let me to a direction where I find no courage to talk to you.

There isn't a need to talk to me.

NOt even about my problems.

I am really having a phobia of trusting a friend.

There arent true and good friendship.

It really hurts.

I dun want to cry anymore.

I just want to go into a deep sleep where no pain will ever be curve in my heart.

I am deeply injured.

Dont talk to me.

Just leave me alone.

Date :
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Cried the whole night.

Scolded myself.

I still hate myself.

I kind of still felt very hurt.

Cause my friend really hurt me so much.

SO much.

That I really want to go away from church.

Any place for me to hide.

Then I go hide.

Really I dont want to get hurt so often.

Damn myself for trusting you so much.

Dun ever blame yourself.

Never thought that I will be outta of your life.

I am going to be out of your life.

Very soon.

Very very soon.

Perharps starting from today.

Never thought that you will think that I am snatching your friend.

After all,

I am not important to anyone.

I really still dunnoe why I trusted you so much.

Damn me.

I am really too soft hearted.

To let things go.

That's why I often put the blame on myself.

I am quite not happy about my surrounding.

I am going to change from this very moment.

If you want to speak to me,

I just listen.

And after that avoid you.

Then what else can I do?

I am too stupid to put in all my trust on to you guys.

I am MIA-ing

Not cos of you.

But I am an extra in this world.

FCuk-my life.

Date :
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Title :

Today is Open Saturday.

Actually supposed to go Escape theme park one.

But I am sick so that why...

After sleeping till 10 plus.

Then Prepare to go to church.

Actually what I thought today's open sat will be

Is more fun.

But it turns out to be more lame than I thought.

The groupings turn out more shocking.

Same group with SB larhs.

Then...

He kept saying nonsence larhs.

Almost laugh at everything.

But I wasnt prepared to fall into the hole.

Until Service...

Then I cried in service.

And kept shaking my head cos

He kept coming to my mind.

Duh...

Haizz.

Confusing,

But things have to be like that lorhs,

After that he prayed for me all those...

(he know I go slash myself.):(

Duh...

Havent sms him to thank him yet.

Later.

To my sweetie and hunny.

I am going through tough times.

Meanwhile I am trying to fall out of the hole.

Anyway dun get to bother my problems.

I guess there isnt any solution.

But time will settle all things.

I got a swollen eye.

haha.

Monkeys go slap him....:)))))

Blessed everyone who is sick like me.

Date :
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Title :

I really thanks my sweetie and her family.

Thanks for the chit-chatting.

But really, I have forgetten about him a lot.

Even today he sms me at 2 am.

I didnt even bother about it.

We went to Vivo.

Then we kept going to the washroom.

Haha.

SM sms Sweetheart.

Then I just kept trying to forget.

But at least managed it.

haha.

Then We took a lot of pics.

I dunnoe why kept laughing and smiling.

But really I never smile or laugh after those days.

I really damn enjoy the day I spend with sweetheart:)

Then we went to the cinema to catch a movie.

Night at the museum.

Haha.

Super funny show.

If you hear laughter in the cinema yesterday at vivo cinema 3

It is damn funny.

Cos I heard a guy laughing till he almost cry or chock.

Then although a lot of things reminded me about him.

But I really find myself back le.

At least I got the strength to forget him.

I guess Things are better than ever.

I guess...

I am over it.

I am totally over it?

I guess only 80 percent.

Haha.

At least have haha.

That meant more improvement to forget him.

Haha.

Thanks for the fun at vivo Sweetie.

Will post the pics as soon as possible.

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Title :

the combined training camp's picture is finally out.

At least We finally ended this camp,

If only we can have the camp longer.

Quite fun.

Except for the de-brief.

We often got little sleep.

But We are contented to see some of our sec 1 s improve a lot.

then with so much fun.

We are kind of upset of leaving the camp.

Erm really sorry I go slash larhs.

I guess things really appear more havoclic.

When I am all alone.

I got to make up my mind.

Either go for Escape Theme Park,Or Open Sat.

Or Go for the pop in St-Andrew Secondary.

Quite a number of choices.

But I would still choose to be in open Sat.

Then things must be solved first mah.

Somemore I got plenty of time in SJ.

More than going to church.

That's why.

Sorry,Wx.

I will not be going to Escape.

Anyway have fun.

I guess things are in this way cos'

I havent really got leadership skill too much.

I am quite sick,

Stomach kept churning.

Throat kept hurt like hell.

I can spend less time in SJ mah.

Cos' really in the course itself,

I am an extra.

Really larhs.

Very troubled.

And very bored.

If only I can spend more time to gain camp knowledge.

Sorry to make a lot of dissapointment for the ANCO camp.

Then I am quite upset.

I still think it is better not to go for their outing.

They always left me out.

Then what for?

Respect the more knowledgable one.

then I guess the more you hate me.

I will prove to you guys,

Individual and independent peoples can do things right too.

Just because of an accident.

You guys hate me so much.

Fcuk larhs.

Really I am damn to listen this excuse.

And have you guys think that I got a MOI to present?

Only you guys got only.

Then left me out.

Really larhs.

This team will only work without me

Damn sian le.

You guys really think this way works best.

Then let it be.

Dont ever let me get involve in you guys business.

No teamwork at all,except for letting people alone.

this is kind of funny larhs.

different schs.

I am the only one from WWSS in Aries.

So I guess.

This isn't what we planned to be.

Dissapointed in myself.

Hope that things will start afresh soon.

Date :
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最美的不是下雨天,是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 ♥

Because you broke the promise you made.

These promises you promised broke apart.

Just like how my heart tore apart.

It seems that it is better to fade away.

Better if death can let me die.

Cos' this pain seems to be more pain then before.

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Simply.

I dunnoe why?

This kind of complicated feeling.

This isnt what I wanted.

I guess things arent easy.

I am really confused.

I have let you realise my unexistence.

I got to understand how hard life is for you.

You didn't want to see me slash again.

Right?

But I must apologize to you.

Yup.

I slashed again.

I just slashed for the reason to let you know

I am not the girl for you.

I am getting on the track.

The track back to God.

I am telling you for the last time for goodness.

We are friends not supposed to be any other relationship.

I am kind of fed up.

I just wish to make things clearer for you.

Dun ever ask me what happened.

I am perfectly fine.

If you really cared about me,

Please leave me.

I am sick and tired.

Just got to know this after yesterday trip to JP.

Ate a lot of cookies, then got a sore throat.

I got a lot of cough.

I kind of think that you make fun of me....

I going to there and here.

Damn long distance.

I will be there as long if you really need a listening ear.

I am really sick.

Bless my throat.

Date :
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This Saturday has been all booked.

I've to go for Celebration for SJAB'09 CTC Instructors.

I also have to go for Open Sunday.

After that need to attend service.

I think that's all.

Busy is really Busy,

But having fun to relieve my troubled mind.

I need to meet WX and KC at Jurong East Mac.

Haha.

Then after that need to go meet the rest of the instructors.

This camp was really fantastic.

So funny.

And really missed it.

Then this camp really set me thinking.

Although we have to be damn strict.

Erm..

Tmr will be a different day.

Maybe will start to smile

And laugh more.

I guess I've made a great mistake

I can't seem to say that I can forget you.

So like what my friend has said.

Just being friends is better than loving you.

Really seem true.

At this complicated stage,

Everyone will get hurt.

At times,

Those memories can be like a scrapbook of your life.

As this kind of memories make me felt very hurt.

But when I can look back in times,

I guess by then I will be laughing aloud.

Cos I think this is very foolish of me.

So meanwhile please do not mention about the yellow guy.

Please do not mention him too much when I am very emo or angry.

Cos he really made me change my emotional.

My temper is really stubborn.

I ended days with vulgarities

I need to say sorry to this particular person.

Not my kors.

Not the yellow guy.

I am really sorry to make your days low and more low.

I can see that you was upset by my changed personalties.

Although it has made me changed,

I really regretted to let you get hurt.

I am really sorry to let things be like this.

I guess,

I have been the unexistence of the yellow guy.

Then somemore I got so hurt that I neglected your existence.

I even raise my voice at you.

I am really sorry.

Things have to move on for me.

I was so sad about my life that I neglected you.

That's why you were so sad.

You always ask me what happened?

But I dun wish to tell you now.

I am really sorry

For neglecting your existence.

For hurting you.

For letting you see me sad everyday.

I guess I am really regretted abt hurting you.

Letting my tears drop and crying in front of you.

And really give you an attitude that you tolerated for a long time.

I am really apologetic towards you.

You always try your best to make me laugh.

I never smile in front of you after that incident.

But you were more than contented to see my smile.

But I hurt you like what he hurt me.

You make fun of my name.

You really wanted me to smile.

But I only can say

The person that I needed most is you.

But I hurt you.

You always know how to make me smile.

When I am emo,

You will approach me and ask whether I am all right.

But I only tell you I am fine.

I am really sorry:(

I only can apologize.

But I can't fall in love anymore.

I am too wounded to be with anyone.

Perharps it is not too late to give up hope on me.

I know you are a good guy but I am not worth to be with you.

I will cause a lot of problems for you

You should know it better than him.

I am really wishing that you wouldn't treat me so nice.

Please forgive me for hurting you.

You are so troubled by a lot of things somemore you still need to think

How to make me smile.

Then I really can tell you to get away from me.

Or else you will get more hurt than me.

I am totally okay with being best friends with you.

You always tell you to treat me as a brother.

Haha.

But I am sorry to hurt you too much.

I guess you are really too good to me le.

But I am helping you to get back to yourself.

So stop this.

I hope you will wake yourself up inside.

And stop thinking the possiblities of me and you.

Cos' I am a cold hearted girl.

Date :
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Title :

I thought life was complicated

But When I enter the camp,

I shivered.

If you first enter a camp with a mixture of other schools

And you are the only sec three

Then your instructor say I am suddenly too quiet.

Duh.

This kind of feeling is unacceptable larhs.

Hiazz.

Then Your officer and teacher know you fall out of love duh.

Then teammates blaming eachother.

No sense of hyperness.

not like the camp with Swiss cottage.

and hillgrove.

Then they want to meet up sia.

I dunnoe larhs.

A lot of people know I am emo.

But they tried very hard to cheer me up.

Even just now Shu Hui say a joke.

I find myself laughbut not a true laughter.

Then I kind of cry in the first day of camp,

Not cos of him larhs.

But cos of stress.

Not everything went well.

Even I can say Camp really is okay.

It make me too disicipline at times

that I dun tell anyone what happen to me.

Just like Mr ERic Koh mentioned

Different people have different personalties.

Although I don't have the true leadership.

But I guess God is trying to help me out.

Cos' I start to feel That I am having fear for god.

That is also a start of wisdom.

Everything has different consequeces

Like today washing all the toilet.

Haha.

Boys' toilet is the most difficult to clear.

Cos the toilet seater was of the toilet bowl.

Somemore the toilet choke.

Duh.

But we did havefun.

But it wasnt my best camp that I enjoyed.

But this is the most discipline camp that I have gone through.

although shouted till I have no voice.

I am still contented to have a support of care by officers and my westwood Sjab ppl.

Quite alot of people knew what freaking stuff happen.

I am quite dissapointed of things like yellow.

I dun wish to be involved in anytype of funny stuff.

Even Laughing is difficu;t for me.

I only can pretend

Even though I am removing the distraction in life.

I only can sit still and watch the pain slowly hurt.

But I thanks god for give me this wonderful time of pain

Cos it set me thinking more then anyone in camp'

Loving you isnt the best way to solve things

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Today was kinda of bad.

but Moonlight Sonata light up my feelings.

It makes things much more brighter.

At least I can feel how Beethoven feel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puqsKGy0L_E

Feel free to listen.

It makes you float.

Haizz. Things seems to be like the tune of moonlight sonata.

Better and turn worst all of a sudden.

Duh.

I am quite okay now.

But no more contacts with anyone in church first.

Or else they mention him.

I will cry again.

I am kind of emo.

Haizz. I have changed too much.

I am already a bad record in sch.

I think No One will understand the pain.

Things are this way cos' of me.

I guess.

This girl here is no longer existed.

Her fate and life start to change from here.

She will start a brand new life.

That maybe with a new attitude.

I already thought of changing to a good person.

But due to some circumstances,

I cant be good.

I must be a baddie.

So what if I am a baddie?

I am just going mad.

Things twirling like mad.

And my head is swirling like mad.

What The Hell is this nonsence.

I am getting things off my mind.

I am not into my favourite songs that I used to listen.

I am not going to the right direction.

I am going to fall anytime.

If you guys want to meet me,

Just tell me beforehand.

Anyway,

I will inform you if I can go out, Ann Chi:)

Erm...

To Shirley Hunny.

It is not to blame by you.

Everyone have temper, attitude.

I am fine with you guys scolding me.

But please at least show more care to the other kor.

I think you noe who larhs.

Erm.. He is an attention seeker,

And needs more encouragement.

He even doubt in himself when people encourage him.

He doubt in the lord lots and lots of time.

Even if he nvr tell me anything,

I can see through what he is really thinking.

He is very troubled by things.

Cos he isnt even sure where to find rest,

That is what I call lost.

He is really uncertain where to go.

I am very worried about him.

He is the person who was hurt by me the most and

he is often misleaded by his friends.

He is often the act hyper then emo guy.

He is very troubled larhs

He is never to be with a friend in church except ur first kor.

Yup.

He also got a good guy CG leader,

But he often give up on Ben easily.

So at least let me put all my hopes on you guys.

At least If I really die also no regret larhs.

I guess the only way is to forget the past.

But I am going to forget the past,

Is to try to stay more happy:)

And forget everything.

And make sure when I see him,

At least be the normal self.

That wont speak to him.

I guess a little talk is okay.

But not everything must tell them.

I guess things are quite okay in my heart.

But I must balanced it.

I am a girl who is the same like my kor.

Uncertain.

If you all can pray for me for my camp,

Then just pray that I have the courage and initative to take up responsiblity.

I must try to take all the punishments no matter how hard it is going to be.

I must never give up in this camp,

tommorow is my camp le.

Just think that it is brighter.

I will come out as a leader.

Not as a best camper.

If Aries can win best group,

Then we will tell officers to treat us:P

Haha.

Stay happy. and forget the painful memories.

Pretend a world without love,

A world with more disicipline.

Tommorow's Camp is going to be 10 times stricter than any camp.

I am Going off at 7 am.

Till 8 june Monday

I guess I will come home late bah.

But will still post as usual,

But not replying to anything as usual.

Benedick Jiayous:)

Shirley Hunny Take cares:)

To all:)

Will be back soon.

I will never be such a loser in your challenges.

Tommorow going to sleep at St Andrew Secondary.

Haha. Can go visit me:)

HEHE:P

Missing you isnt a way to solve things

Hating you isnt a way to solve things either.

Forgetting you seems to be the only way.

but I cant seems to forget.

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My name is Ahh-T0ng. World-hater. Hate me.I don't fcuk care, A twist in my story, when he shoot me three times in my heart.

wishlist

- Breathe.
- Live as independent lady.
- Mature more.
- Love? Exclude me.
- Be a hate about love.

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